Intervention: Anything But My Own Skin

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Addiction memoirs: Intervention 2 teaser

My inbox has three new emails – one from Facebook, one from spam, and one from an address I don’t recognize until I read the subject and see it is a reply email from the breeder.  My finger clicks down on the mouse pad and the email pops up.  The writer explains all the males have been sold but they still have two female puppies left.  Attached are four photos and after I click them I nudge Barry, demanding his attention.  “Look, I got pictures.”  His attention diverts from the television – a hard thing for Barry to do.  When the pictures open, I see both puppies side by side and immediately know which one I want.  There is no comparison.  Both puppies’ bodies are perfectly white but one puppy has markings on her face that are look ascetically pleasing.  Her face is symmetrical being completely brown but with a white line running down the center of her head.  Perfect black circles surround her eyes, a pink patch is under her black nose and white accents around her jaw and gums that hang from her cheeks.  One of the floppy ears is white and one is brown.  Her face looks like somebody painted a clown face with excessive makeup. 
Barry is leaning into me, looking at both pictures and without saying anything he points at the one I am looking at, “That one.”
“Yea, that’s the one I thought to.”
Jenny agrees and smiles, “Awww little puppy, sooo cute.”
My mind is made up and I ask Jenny if she cares if I called them because I will need her money.  She reaches for her purse and says “Go ahead.” 
I am thrilled and cannot wait.  The phone is ringing in my ear and I wait hoping the breeder will answer.  A female voice comes on, answering clearly and announcing her name.
“Oh, hey this is Chad, I sent you an email requesting information about the puppies.”
Her voice is eager, “Yes, yes, were you able to see them?”
“I was, thank you.  I’m interested in the puppy with the dark circles around her eyes, the one on the right of the two photos.”
“Right, ok, that’s Beans.”
“Beans, cute, ok, well do you think I could come see her?”
She pauses for a second then says, “Well we prefer to come to where the puppy is living to
make sure the living environment is suitable for the puppy.”
This caught me off guard.  I had no idea she would be wanting to come to my house.
“Sure no problem, I am free today or if you would like to come another day, whatever
works.”
            “Hmm, let me think.” 
            I can hear her talking to a male in the background asking if today is a good day for them to show the puppy.  She tells him somebody is asking to see Beans.  The male pauses and I hope he says yes.  I want the puppy today.
            She comes back on the phone and says, “Today can work, how’s five o’clock sound?”
            “Perfect, that works for me.”
            “Ok where do you live?”
            “I live off of Old Gaines School Rd, passed an elementary school.” 
            “Ok, yes I know where that is.  Is it the neighborhood on the right after the school?”
            “Exactly and the house number is 255, it will be on your left.”
            “Well, we will be there at five.”
            “Great!  Thank you.  See you then.”
            “Bye.”
            I hang up the phone and Jenny smiles.  Barry looks over and Samson and says, “Saummy, you getting a girlfriend.”  Samson is laying down in the chair and his ears perk but he does not move.  The Lazyboy chair has taken control.
            Suddenly I realize that the house needs to look suitable for guests, meaning all the weed paraphernalia, beer bottles, and whatever else could be laying around needs to be put out of sight.  I frantically get to work, hiding pipes behind cabinets, throwing away trash, cleaning off tables and vacuuming the floor.  My new child is coming today and I must not let breeders have any reason not to sell the puppy to me.
            When the house is spick and clean I race to the bank to cash the check Jenny has given me.  There is no doubt in my mind I will be able to pay her back within a couple weeks.  The bar job seems to pay well and even better I don’t have to wait for a paycheck, I get paid cash every night I work.  After the bank I debate about going to the grocery store to purchase puppy food, a water bowl, and a food bowl.  I realize that maybe I should wait and make sure the puppy is healthy and looks the way I want her to look.  My car clock reads four o’clock so instead of going anywhere else I drive home and wait for the puppy to arrive.
            For the next hour, I sit on the couch, unable to fully concentrate on the television show as I anxiously wait for the puppy to arrive.  Growing up with a dog, I have always found comfort in taking care of one and after living away for a semester and now living on my own again I realize the void I have been experiencing not being able to come home to my own dog.  Samson has helped me to get by but Samson is not my dog and Barry has made it very clear that Samson is not my dog.
            Before I hear any noise Samson has jumped off the couch and ran to the window.  He is growing, gearing up to start barking.  Samson is our alarm system and based on his behavior I know the breeders have arrived.  Just to confirm Samson’s message I look back over the couch and out the window to see a pick-up truck parked in the driveway under the hanging pine tree branches that cover our driveway.  Barry and I both stand up and walk out the front door. 
The drive side door of the pick-up truck opens and a young man steps out slamming the door behind him.  Being about twenty yards a way I speak loud enough for him to hear me say, “Hey there.”
            He nods and replies “Hey,” while walking around the front of the truck to help open the passenger door for a female who is sitting patiently holding something in her lap.  As she stands, Barry and I are only about ten feet away and now I can see what she is holding.  A limp baby puppy is cuddled in her arms still asleep.  The sight warms my heart and I can’t help but smile the biggest smile of my life.
            The female introduces herself and then looks down at the puppy and says, “This is Beans, she’s a little tired, she was asleep the whole ride over.  My eyes are glued to the puppy and I reach out my hands asking if I can hold her.  The female responds “Of course,” and hands the tired puppy over to me.  The puppy is no bigger than a small stuffed animal and I take my time grasping the warm soft body.  I cup one hand under her belly and the other hand under her head.  She is so frail I’m afraid if I don’t support her head she won’t be able to hold it on her own.  Once the puppy is in my hands I pull her close to my body and am engulfed by a warm tingling sensation.  The warm little body makes me feel better than any drug or drink ever could.  This is my baby and I will love her unconditionally.
            As I hold the puppy, Barry reaches out, petting her small crowned head and rubbing her soft floppy puppy ears.   Beans looks up at me and licks my mouth – her breath smelling like classic puppy breath.  She is the baby. 
Wanting to see what she looks like walking around, if she is healthy, I set her down on the mixture of pine straw and grass that is our front lawn.  She is barely able to stand much like a newborn fawn.  Unsure of her surroundings and still trying to wake up, she remains still and lets out a big puppy yawn.  Her little tongue stretches far out of her mouth and her eyes squint.  My heart melts.
            Suddenly she leaps into a puppy sprint.  Her legs are too long for her body and her paws are too big for her legs.  I watch like a loving parent as she runs through the pine straw, each one of her leg fling in a different direction.  Although she is running with all her might, she does not get very far.  I am able to keep pace with her by simply walking in a normal stride.  Seeing that she is healthy, I am satisfied and quickly grasp her up with one hand.  I pull her close to my chest and laugh while she sporadically licks my face – her breath warm, soft, and loving.  Both the male and female breeders stand watching with a bit of a smile.  I can tell the female breeder cares the most about this puppy.  She explains that Beans is the runt and how her full name is Jumping Beans because she springs off all four legs when she gets too excited.  When I picture this goofy puppy springing in the air with no direction, I can’t help but chuckle. 
            Remembering that the breeders wanted to check out the puppy’s living environment, I invite them inside to look around.  Samson is standing with both paws pressed against the small window next to the front door.  His face is full of curiosity and I know the second we enter the door, he his overly excited 90 lb body will be difficult to handle.  I look at Barry and instruct, “Get Samson.”  Barry nods, walks quickly to get in front of me and bends over ready to grab Samson when he pushes the front door open.  Samson is snorting, breathing, wagging, and focused on the puppy in my arms.  The last thing I want is for Samson to be jumping on the breeders so I tell Barry to take him out back.  Barry grabs Samson by the next, rushing him through the house and out the sliding glass door to the fenced in back yard.  I can tell the breeders are a bit awkward standing in our house but still they look around assessing if the home is suitable for their precious baby that I now hold in my arms.  After they look for a few seconds, I realize they will probably be interested in the backyard so explain to them we should check out the back yard.  They follow behind me walking toward the glass doors, across the newly purchase carpet by the landlord.  Samson is standing, waiting for us and breathing heavily into the glass.  His nose is smushed and his breath creates small circles of fog.  Barry opens the sliding door and grabs Samson while the breeders and I step out onto the concrete patio.  Barry can’t hold Samson anymore so he lets go and Samson springs both paws into my stomach in order to sniff the puppy.  The puppy hardly even notices but I knee Samson, forcing him to fall back to all four feet.
            The breeders look around the giant fenced in yard that is a dog’s dream.  There is no doubt in my mind they approve of where their puppy will be living.  Full of confidence, I ask them, “So what do you think?”
            Both the male and female breeder respond to my question.  The male says, “Looks great” and the female says, “It’s perfect, Beans will be happy here.”
            I smile knowing that they are happy to see their puppy go to a good home.  I reach into my pocket and pull out the $300 dollars in cash.  He accepts the money without counting it which makes me nervous so ask him to count the money real quick.  He flips through the twenty dollar bills, nods is head and says “Thank you.”
            “Thank you,” I tell him with a smile.
            The female walks over to me to pet and Beans one more time.  I can tell she is going to greatly miss her baby but she is happy to see her go.  As she pets the puppy, the male breeder explains that they live on a farm with six grown boxers and every so often one of the female’s gets pregenant and they sell the babies for a little extra cash but the money means nothing compared to the puppies they are able to enjoy for eight weeks.  Suddenly, I think about Samson, Beans, and a herd of puppies around our backyard like a happy little family.  The thought is warm and comforting and I cannot wait for the day.
            When the male is done talking he looks at his girlfriend who is still petting the puppy and says in a country accent, “Well baby, it’s that time.”
            She responds also in a country accent, “Yea I know.”  She rubs Beans head one last time and after she lets go I reach out my hand to shake hers and thank her for the puppy.  The male breeder also shakes my hand and I thank him as well.  While still holding the puppy, I walk them back through the house with Samson follow at my heels with his nose pressed in the air close to the puppy.  Barry grabs Samson as I open the front door and tell the breeders one time thank you and before I know it I am standing in my house holding my new puppy. 
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            On the inside I am ecstatic, full of a new life, holding my new baby.  Just like everything in my life when something exciting happens I do not react the way you would think most people would react to a happy situation.  My outward appearance always remains calm but my inside is raging with excitement, I simply just don’t show my feelings that much. 
            Barry and I walk into the living room and plop down on the couch with the puppy still in my arms.  I flip her on her back with her head supported on my chest and I rub her big soft puppy belly.  She licks the air, trying to lick my face, so I lean down enough for her warm tongue to lick the bottom of my chin.  Although, I have just met the puppy for the first time only a few moments ago, I already feel like she is my baby and will be my best companion.  Images of us, playing in the yard, snuggling on my bed, and thoughts of her always excited when I walk through the front door are flashing through my mind.
            Realizing that I will need puppy food for her, I ask Barry to ride with us to the store so that he can hold her while I walk into the store.  Normally, it is a chore to get Barry off the couch but because he knows he will be able to hold the puppy while they wait, he immediately turns off the television, stands up and says, “Let’s go.”
            We step into my Jeep and using two hands, I pass the puppy over into Barry’s lap.  Suddenly I feel cold and lonely without the puppy’s war, frail body pressed against my side.  Barry is smiling from ear to ear and talking to the puppy in a baby voice causing the puppy to sporadically lick his face.  I smile watching like a proud father. 
            On the way to the store, we talk about different names to name her.  Her markings make her look like a bandit, like Zorro or something so I start playing with names like Bandit.  Although we both throw around many different names, nothing really seems suitable.  Barry holds the puppy so that she can stick her head out the window to get fresh air and I laugh watching as she yanks her head back inside when the wind gets to her causing her to sneeze.  She never learns the wind is causing her to sneeze so she continues to stick her head back and forth in and out of the window. 
            When I get to the grocery store, I run, leaving the windows and sunroof open for Barry and the puppy.  The warm summer air and the sunshine bouncing of the asphalt of the parking lot heighten my feeling of high.  Life feels good.  I buy the same brand of puppy food that Barry buys for Samson although it is not the cheapest.
            Barry has his legs held out the passenger window with the puppy in his lap.  His sunglasses are on and a smile is on his face.  The puppy is looking toward me.  I jump into the driver side and reach out for the puppy.  I want to hold her for a few minutes before I am driving again.  As I hold the puppy, Barry looks at me and says, “Let’s go to the pool.”
            I look at him with angry, “Dude I just got the puppy, I’m not leaving here.”
            His voice stays calm, “I never said anything about leaving the puppy, let’s take her with us.”
            “Oh, hmm, yea I like that, let’s go.”
            Barry is excited and lets out a “CHAZZ!”
            Now that I have got my puppy fix, I hand her back to Barry and drive home so that we can change into our swimsuits. 

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Addiction Memoir: Addiction Certification

Three years ago, I decided to switch my major from business to psychology.  My plan was to go to grad school, earn a masters and then finally start working in the field of addiction.  After, turning three years of school into two years by loading down my semesters with psych class after psych class, I was burnt out on school.  During a psych class, I discovered a way of becoming an addiction counselor that required two years of work experience while counseling under supervision.  Originally, I planned to graduate college and start working a paid position where I could get the needed experience.  Boy was I wrong.  Not only did I discover I probably wasn't going to be getting paid, I found out I would actually have to be paying a professional to learn from him or her.  Yikes!  What did I get myself into...

Well I managed to find a place called Safety Net Recovery, where I could gain the experience I needed without paying someone.  It was perfect.  Now, as a recent college grad, I had to figure out how to make money while working a job in the field I went to school for.  A fellow counselor of where I am currently working at Safety Net offered to help me get a job at a treatment center called Ridgeview Institute. 

As of today, I am going to officially be a paid employee assisting in the counseling of addiction and be getting credited with the hours I need to become a Certified Addiction Counselor.  My perfect plan has arrived.  I am working where I want to be working, I am changing lives, and I am getting paid.  This perfect plan has fallen into place for one reason and one reason only.  I decided to do God's will for my life and not my own.  I have arrived where I am meant to be.  It's happening... It's happening right before my very eyes. My future is here today.
http://www.interventionbooks.com/

Monday, December 6, 2010

Drug and Alcohol Memoir: Preventing Addiction in Teens

How do you prevent drug use in teens? It's the ultimate question. Millions of dollars, hours of research, and tons of trial and error strategies have been used to decipher what is the best way to prevent drug use in teens. Sure, talking to your teen will help and so will the drug and alcohol awareness classes at school, but isn't there more we can do? Haven't we been doing these things for years? What else is there?

When it comes to drug use in teens, one of the most common reasons I've seen for teen usage is a low self-esteem. It's important to get your teen involved in groups that will boost his or her self-esteem though activities that are incompatible with drug use. However! Do not force your teen into the sport, group, or activity you enjoyed while you were in high school. Just because you were the star quarterback does not mean your teen wants to play a sport. Take the time to really find out what he or she enjoys, not what he or she thinks mom and dad will approve of.  http://www.interventionbooks.com/

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Addiction Memoir- Spirituality in Recovery

There comes a point in one’s recovery from addiction, where the question of spirituality is brought to attention. For many individuals, the concept of spirituality is foreign territory. Not because spirituality does not exist, but because drugs and alcohol have left no room for a spiritual being to exist inside the body of the user. A life full of drug use is a life empty on everything else, which is what can make recovery so hard. Take away the drugs and alcohol and what’s left? Nothing.
For this reason, it is important to find a spiritual being to mend the brokenness created from a life filled with drugs and alcohol. Could this be a higher power? Absolutely. Without a higher power to restore the insanity created from addiction, there is no hope for a full recovery. During the period of the active addiction, the drugs and alcohol were the higher power in the addict’s life. If you don’t believe the drugs were the higher power, then you need to go back to step one, where your life was unmanageable.
Finding something bigger than the addicts own selfish desires is how to regain spirituality. This means, find a path that seeks to help others, instead of seeking a path that directly benefits your own desires and needs. Put others needs first and your soul will be restored.

http://www.interventionbooks.com/

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Intervention Books:Addiction Triggers

What are triggers?  A trigger is anything that reminds a substance abuser of fond memories directly related to using drugs or alcohol.  Maybe a trigger is a song that reminds a user of the fun nights with a drug or maybe a certain smell reminds the user of the euphoric feeling of a high or maybe a trigger is a billboard sign promising a beer drinker a guaranteed good time with a cold beverage while watching a football game, but whatever one's triggers are, unfortunately triggers are impossible to avoid.

Although triggers can not be completely avoided, there are certain steps to be taken to reduce the number of triggers a former substance abuser is exposed to.  For example, a former drug user can immedietly turn the radio station when a triggering song comes on or not attend a party where alcohol will be consumed.  Some addicts and alcoholics even go to lengths of cutting the tie to their television in order to avoid the constant wave of beer and liquor adverisements.  Yes, recovery from addiction takes work, sometimes more work than what a user wants to put forth, but without taking action to reduce triggers maintaing sobriety will only become more difficult.  At times the power of a drug or drink  is nearly unstoppable so why add more momentum to a nearly unstopabble train?  Find your triggers, be aware of them, take whatever action to avoid the triggers, and when avoiding the trigger is not possible reach out to someone to talk through the decietful thought that drinking and drugging is worth risking everything.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Addiction Memoirs: Al-Anon

Are you tired of feeling that your loved one is putting their addiction before you?  Does it seem like your relationship with someone special in your life, whether it's a family member or a significant other, seems to be fading into unknown territory?  If so, you are not alone.  Millions of people are connected to somebody they know that is struggling with substance abuse.  In my personal experience, anytime the topic of addiction comes up in conversation, the person I am talking with, will almost always bring up somebody close to them that is struggling with addiction.

The biggest misconception of dealing with the addiction of someonebody else, is a feeling of being alone.  Addiction is everywhere folks and everyone is effected by it.  The more we isolate the problem, thinking we are alone, the worse the situation.  We must reach out to other human beings going through the same struggle we share and talk through the situation.  Unity is stronger than any individual and to think you can take on someone else's addiction without a supportive environment is as insane as the user thinking he or she can keep using without paying any serious consequences.  The supportive environment I am talking about is Al-Anon.  Al-Anon is a group that meets about how to handle the addiction of someone close to you.  If you are personally struggiling with somebody going through addiction or is in recovery, Al-Anon will give you a whole new life.  There are meetings for Al-Anon all over the country and all over Georgia.  For a complete list of where to find a meeting near you, click on this link. Al-Anon

Monday, November 22, 2010

Intervention Two Excerpt

Although my grades were shot, I thought for sure, I was going back to the school the next semester.  It was my first semester in college and I was almost expected to do bad.  Everybody does poorly their first semester.  Seventy percent of college freshman make a grade point average below a 3.0.  So maybe I was below a 1.0 but I would change.  The next semester was going to be completely different. 
Two days after the semester ended, my parents and I were sitting in the living room watching a Christmas special.  They had seen my grades, but a conversation about the semester never came up.  I figured we were on the same page, next semester would be different.  My Dad shut off the television, he looked over at me.  “Chad you’re not going back to school next semester.”
            “What?”
            “We gave you a chance and you blew it.”
My Mom’s eyes were filled with disappointment and anger.  She was quiet.  I was quiet, lost in Dad’s words.
I had to convince them they were wrong.  My emotions were boiling on the inside, but I knew to look calm on the outside.  I started with an even and convincing tone, “Guys, it was just a rough start, I’ll do better, I promise.  College is important to me.”
My Mom read straight through me, “I don’t think so Chad, you’re done, not with a failing GPA.  We can’t trust you.  Plain and simple”
“Guys, I’m serious, I’ll do better, I’ll go to meetings down there, I’ll do whatever it takes.  I need this.”
“Chad.”  My Dad’s tone was in manager mode.  “This isn’t a discussion, you’re moving home.”
The emotions were too strong.  I couldn’t hold my cool any longer.  I threw my head back and let out a few words of disbelief.  It was over.  Their expressions weren’t budging, their minds were set and I was back to living at home.
During the Thanksgiving break, I worked a seasonal position at a furniture store near my parent’s home.  Originally, I planned to work the Thanksgiving break and the Christmas break, hoping to make enough money to pay back my parent’s back, but now I was going to be working the entire next semester, living back under my parent’s rule.  It was depressing.
The night after my parents informed me I would be moving home, I drove back to school to collect my belongings.  When I moved in, it was a glorious day for both my parents and myself.  Now, I was by myself, collecting the pieces of my broken first semester of college.  I blew it, straight up, just like my Dad told me.